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A loss due to suicide often results in complicated or traumatic grief, for several reasons. First, the shock and unexpected nature of a suicide loss often interrupts the natural grieving process, leaving mourners confused and devastated.  Also, the historic stigma associated with suicide can also leave mourners feeling isolated and with feelings of shame.

During the immediate days following a suicide loss, and into the weeks and months that follow, those who are bereaved can be positively impacted by your love, compassion, and support. 

Suggestions for Supporting Those Grieving a Suicide Loss

The following suggestions have been offered by those with lived and living experiences of suicide loss. 

Reach Out

Reach out and be there for them. Your very presence will likely be comforting and reassuring. Listen to them with your full attention, offering compassion, understanding and patience. Continue to contact the bereaved person on a regular basis, even if they don’t always have the capacity respond.  

Follow The Lead of The Person Who Is Grieving

Everyone copes with grief differently Some people impacted by suicide loss find it helpful to talk about the death, share pictures or memories of their loved one, cry, or express their emotions. Others prefer not to. Respect the timing and pacing of an individual’s grief process.  It is a difficult journey, and it is important to encourage them to make choices that are right for them.

Don’t Be Afraid to Ask About Their Loved One or To Say Their Loved One’s Name

It can feel painful when no one talks about the person they lost. Write down a story about their loved one, especially if you have a story they might not have heard. You can also collect photos of their loved one. When you know they are ready, share it with them.

Research Suicide and the Impact of Suicide Loss

There are still many myths about suicide and suicide loss. Learning about suicide and understanding the impact of suicide loss can help you provide support to those bereaved in healthy ways. Find out what supports are available in the community regarding a suicide loss. 

Offer To Help with Specific Tasks

In the depths of emotional pain and grief, those bereaved may not be able to identify and ask for what they need. Instead of saying, “I’m here if you need me” or “Tell me what I can do to help,” it is often more helpful to ask, “Can I help by…”

…picking your kids up from school?

…walking the dog?

…helping with the grocery shopping?

… doing chores, such as laundry or dishes? 

…helping with funeral arrangements?

…picking someone up at the airport?

…making phone calls?

…organizing your mail?

Be Courageous – Approach Those That Have Lost a Loved One by Suicide.

Let them know you have heard about their loss.  Ask them how they really are.  This is important even if it has been some time since the actual death. It is important for relatives, friends, and the entire community to support people throughout their grief process.

A Note on Language

The language that is used to describe suicide and suicide loss can impact those bereaved and work to challenge or reinforce, the stigma around suicide. 

When discussing suicide and suicide loss, it is encouraged to: 

  • Use “died by suicide” or “death by suicide”  instead of “committed suicide”. 
    • The term ‘committed’ is stigmatizing as it implies someone is criminal or immoral or has committed an offence. Suicide is not a crime. It was decriminalized in 1972. Recent amendments to the Criminal Code of Canada (section 241) refer to ‘die by suicide’ rather than ‘committed suicide’. (Source: PHAC, 2018).
  • Avoid referring to a suicide attempt as a “failed”, “incomplete”, or “unsuccessful”. 
    • Suicide is a tragic outcome of many complex factors with lasting impacts; it is never about success or failure. It is not something to achieve or finish like a task or project. (Source: PHAC, 2018). 
  • Avoid asking specific questions about the death, including methods. 
    • Discussing the specific methods used for suicide is recognized as unsafe. These questions may also cause further pain and difficulty for those who have been bereaved by suicide. 

To learn more about safe language for suicide prevention, access the Language Matters Guide by the Public Health Agency of Canada (PHAC)