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A loss due to suicide often results in complicated or traumatic grief, for several reasons. First, the shock and unexpected nature of a suicide loss often interrupts the natural grieving process, leaving mourners confused and devastated. Also, the historic stigma associated with suicide can also leave mourners feeling isolated and with feelings of shame.
During the immediate days following a suicide loss, and into the weeks and months that follow, those who are bereaved can be positively impacted by your love, compassion, and support.
The following suggestions have been offered by those with lived and living experiences of suicide loss.
Reach out and be there for them. Your very presence will likely be comforting and reassuring. Listen to them with your full attention, offering compassion, understanding and patience. Continue to contact the bereaved person on a regular basis, even if they don’t always have the capacity respond.
Everyone copes with grief differently Some people impacted by suicide loss find it helpful to talk about the death, share pictures or memories of their loved one, cry, or express their emotions. Others prefer not to. Respect the timing and pacing of an individual’s grief process. It is a difficult journey, and it is important to encourage them to make choices that are right for them.
It can feel painful when no one talks about the person they lost. Write down a story about their loved one, especially if you have a story they might not have heard. You can also collect photos of their loved one. When you know they are ready, share it with them.
There are still many myths about suicide and suicide loss. Learning about suicide and understanding the impact of suicide loss can help you provide support to those bereaved in healthy ways. Find out what supports are available in the community regarding a suicide loss.
In the depths of emotional pain and grief, those bereaved may not be able to identify and ask for what they need. Instead of saying, “I’m here if you need me” or “Tell me what I can do to help,” it is often more helpful to ask, “Can I help by…”
…picking your kids up from school?
…walking the dog?
…helping with the grocery shopping?
… doing chores, such as laundry or dishes?
…helping with funeral arrangements?
…picking someone up at the airport?
…making phone calls?
…organizing your mail?
Let them know you have heard about their loss. Ask them how they really are. This is important even if it has been some time since the actual death. It is important for relatives, friends, and the entire community to support people throughout their grief process.
The language that is used to describe suicide and suicide loss can impact those bereaved and work to challenge or reinforce, the stigma around suicide.
When discussing suicide and suicide loss, it is encouraged to:
To learn more about safe language for suicide prevention, access the Language Matters Guide by the Public Health Agency of Canada (PHAC).