For 24/7 crisis support, call Here 24/7 at (844) 437-3247
Whether you know someone who is having a hard time, someone who has recently attempted suicide, or someone who has lost a loved one to suicide, one of the ways that you can help is to start a caring conversation. Below, we share some information to help start this conversation with someone you are worried about.
Preparing for a caring conversation is helpful. Some ways you can prepare are:
When staring a conversation to support someone else, it can be helpful to have a basic understanding of suicide and suicide prevention. This can help to break down any stigma and dissolve any myths about suicide you may hold as beliefs to ensure you are offering support in a safe, appropriate way.
Suicide is complex and multi-faceted. One way to frame your understanding is to think about suicide as “an attempt to solve a problem of intense emotional pain with impaired problem-solving” (Kalafat and Underwood, 1989). Often, those experiencing thoughts of suicide are feeling intense and overwhelming emotional pain and may be unable to consider other solutions to their difficulties.
To learn more about suicide, you can:
It’s important to check on your own capacity to hold space and provide support before you start a caring conversation. Holding space looks different for different people, and it can be challenging to provide appropriate support if you are struggling yourself. Building and/or maintaining capacity to hold space could involve the following:
If you feel you are unable to have a caring conversation and provide support, but are concerned that someone needs help, visit How to Connect Someone to Help.
Lastly, it can be important to consider where and when you will try to have this conversation. For some people, having a difficult conversation while engaged in another activity (e.g. going on a drive or a walk, doing the dishes together, or participating in a shared hobby) can make it easier to be vulnerable. It’s important to try to have this conversation in a space that feels safe and quiet for all of those involved.
Below are some tips for having a caring conversation with someone who you are worried about or someone who may be struggling with thoughts of suicide.
Begin by telling the person that you are concerned about them. Tell them specifically what they have said or done that makes you feel concerned, and ask them open-ended questions about how they are doing. Ask follow-up questions based on their responses. Some suggestions for how to open the conversation are:
Active listening can be helpful when supporting someone else. Some suggestions for how to engage in active listening include:
It’s important to remain objective and non-judgmental. Avoid offering solutions or opinions right away; just being there and listening is often the most important thing you can do. Acknowledge their emotions by saying things like “I can see why’d you feel that way”. Let them know that you are there for them and that they are not alone. You can also assure the person that help is available, and something can be done.
If you’re worried that an individual might be thinking about suicide, it is important to ask them directly and connect them to help.
Although it may feel uncomfortable, it’s important to understand if they may be at risk of suicide. Ask in a straightforward manner if they’re thinking about suicide.
If they say yes, it is important to understand if they have a specific plan or method in mind. If an individual has a suicide plan and access to means, get them help immediately.
Many people who attempt suicide tell someone about their intention. If the person you are talking to is showing warning signs for suicide, is experiencing thoughts of suicide, and has a plan to die or access to means, they need immediate help and support, and you cannot do it alone. In order to protect your own mental health and ensure that the person you are supporting receives the help and support they deserve, you should never promise to keep it a secret.
For more information on connecting someone to immediate help, visit: How Do I Connect Someone to Help?
If someone is not in crisis or experiencing thoughts of suicide, but is struggling with their mental health and wellbeing, it is still important to provide options for additional help and support. It can be helpful to ask about any existing supports or services that the person is accessing, and whether they have used these recently. Understanding the person’s circle of support and coping strategies can help to connect them to additional help and support, if needed.
To learn more about the services available in Waterloo Region, visit our resource pages:
Following the conversation, it is important to check-in with them again at a later date. Depending on the outcome of the conversation and what was shared, you may want to check on them frequently. Regular check-ins show that you care for the person and can help them to feel less alone.
After the conversation, don’t forget to check-in with yourself as well. Give yourself time to reflect, talk to someone you trust, and engage in self-care activities.
For more information on self-care, visit our Self-Care page.
If you are hoping to learn more about having caring conversations with those around you, here are some different resources that you may find helpful.
BeThere.org has developed 5 Golden Rules, which they describe as “a simple but actionable framework to support someone struggling with their mental health”. There is also an opportunity to earn a BeThere certificate through a free, online course to learn how to recognize when someone is struggling, safely support them, and maintain your own mental health.
#ChatSafe for Parents and Carers
Developed by the Mental Health Commission of Canada, in partnership with Orygen’s world-class research team, ChatSafe provides caregivers with the knowledge and confidence to have open conversations with young people about self-harm and suicide.