In our community, there are individuals and families who have been impacted by suicide and/or suicide loss. Through sharing these lived experiences of suicide, we hope to start conversations, change the narrative on suicide, and promote hope, help, and healing.
Today’s Community Voices installment features Derek, a community member who experienced the loss of his brother, Trevor. We asked Derek to share the experience of writing his original song, “Just Hold On”.
Content warning: the following interview discusses suicide loss and grief.
Could you tell us a bit about yourself and the song you wrote, “Just Hold On”?
My name is Derek, and I wrote this song, Just Hold On, in memory of my brother Trevor. I created it using a mix of AI, my real voice, real drums, and my own lyrics. Trevor was an incredible musician – a gifted guitar, bass, and drum player who also taught drums to others. But more than his talent, it was his kindness that made him unforgettable. On November 25, 2008, we lost him to suicide.
Losing my brother to suicide was the hardest thing I’ve ever faced. There were many days when I didn’t feel like I could keep going. Sometimes I’d write down how I felt, and other times I’d distract myself with computer games just to avoid thinking about it. I sometimes still see new technology or music gear and think, “my brother would have loved that”. This song is my way of honoring Trevor while also sharing an important message: suicide is not the answer. No matter how overwhelming life feels, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. We all have the strength to turn the page and begin a new chapter.
How was the song writing experience for you?
I’ll admit the songwriting experience was quite difficult at first. It took me a long time because I wanted to capture how dark and heavy grief can feel, but also to show that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I wanted people to know that even when life feels unbearable, you can find a way forward, don’t give up, and don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it.
Finishing this song has never been easy. In truth, it feels like it will never really be finished. I still find myself hearing parts that don’t sound quite right, and I think that comes from the times I used to sit beside Trevor, adjusting the mixer while he played with my other brother and their friends. Those moments were priceless.
Did you learn anything about yourself or managing grief through this experience?
What I learned about myself is that I’m stronger than I thought. I kept going, even when it was hard, and I never gave up. Writing this song reminded me that it’s okay to still feel the pain, but it’s also okay to keep living and to find ways to honor the people we’ve lost.
What do you hope people take away with them after listening to this song?
I hope people take away the message that you are stronger than you know. Don’t give up, reach out for help, talk to someone, and hold on. Most of all, I hope that someone who hears this song and feels hopeless will realize that their life is worth living. If even one person hears it and decides to stay, then it’s all worth it.
Thank you, Derek, for sharing your experience with us.
If you are interested in hearing “Just Hold On”, you can listen to it: Just Hold On
Remember, it is always okay to ask for help.
If you are struggling and in crisis, please call or text 988, Canada’s Suicide Crisis Helpline. For more resources, visit Adult Resources or Youth Resources.